'I'm struggling with my self-esteem after married man ended our affair'

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my early 30s and I’m really battling with self-esteem issues and heartbreak after the married guy I was seeing ended it to make a go of things with his wife.

We’d been seeing each other for nearly a year and I was in love, then one night he ended it out of the blue, saying he wanted to focus on his family and be there for his kids. I think he was struggling with guilt.

I couldn’t believe it and, in my anger, I went to see his wife when I knew he’d be at work and told her everything.

READ MORE:

I’m not proud of this and she was shocked and burst into tears before slamming the door in my face. I’ve tried to get hold of my ex since, but he’s blocked me on everything.

I feel so hurt and angry because he promised me so much – that he’d leave his wife, that we’d move in together and make a life together.

I fell for it hook, line and sinker and feel like a total idiot. I don’t know what to do with all this hurt and rage.

All of my friends think I did a bad thing by telling his wife, which isn’t helping how I feel about myself. Please help.

Coleen says

Well, I can’t say I agree with you telling his wife. I understand that it was reactionary and you did it out of anger and hurt – you wanted them to suffer because you were suffering. So, I get where it came from, but it wasn’t a good thing to do and I’m sure you now know that it doesn’t make you feel better, and it doesn’t change anything.

His wife has done nothing wrong – she’s the one who’s been betrayed – and she’s been lied to as well.

READ MORE:

As you go through life, you learn lessons and you’ve learned a big one here. And I hope you’ve learned if he does come crawling back, you’ll slam the door in his face.

Look, we all do stupid things at some point in life, we believe people when we shouldn’t, we have poor judgment, and we don’t listen to our instincts.

The important thing now is how you move on from this and come back from what’s happened to you.

It is hard when you really love someone because you want to believe everything they say, but I hope when you look back now, you realise that if he can do all this to his wife, he’s a liar and if you did end up with him, there’s a good chance he’d do the same to you.

READ MORE:

In terms of lifting your low self-esteem, you just have to start rebuilding your life and put this guy firmly in the past. If you’re struggling with anger and shame, then let it out in therapy. But know that what you’re feeling is understandable because you trusted someone and he let you down.

READ MORE: