What is 'Peacock Parenting'? Experts reveal the subtle signs you were raised by one

They’re charismatic. They dominate rooms. And they seem to demand the spotlight—not just from strangers, but from their children too. Enter the concept of the Peacock Parent, a term popularized by British psychotherapist Kathleen Saxton in her revealing book My Parent the Peacock: Discovery and Recovery from Narcissistic Parenting.

Far from being a playful metaphor, the “peacock” in question refers to a very real and often damaging form of narcissistic parenting. These parents often crave admiration, attention, and control—while masking deep-seated insecurity with an overconfident front.

Narcissism at Home: More Than Just Big Egos
According to the Mayo Clinic, narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition marked by an inflated sense of self-importance, an intense need for praise, and a startling lack of empathy. But as mindset and trauma coach Candice Tamara explains, these traits can deeply impact children when exhibited by a parent.

In a viral TikTok video, Tamara unpacks four telltale signs you may have grown up under the influence of a peacock parent. The biggest red flag? They rarely take responsibility for their actions—even when they hurt you.

Four Signs You Were Raised by a Peacock Parent
If apologies from your parent are rare—or feel hollow when offered—you might recognize the first sign: a refusal to acknowledge or own up to past behavior.

The second sign involves emotional invalidation. Children of peacock parents are often told they’re “too sensitive” or “misremembering” painful interactions. This is classic gaslighting, and it can leave lasting confusion well into adulthood.

The third indicator? Boundary-breaking. Even when you assert your emotional space or independence, a peacock parent might guilt-trip you, undermining those boundaries with possessiveness and emotional manipulation.

And finally, the most telling trait: a deep-seated entitlement to your time and affection. These parents may express jealousy when you build close relationships elsewhere, feeling threatened instead of proud.

Healing from the Spotlight
While recognizing these signs is the first step, navigating the emotional fallout is another journey altogether. Experts from Verywell Mind suggest that some children of narcissistic parents may need to reduce—or even cut off—contact for their mental well-being.

For others, a more subtle strategy might involve emotionally stepping back, setting clear boundaries, and staying consistent when those boundaries are tested.

Therapy can play a pivotal role. Individuals raised by narcissistic parents often wrestle with low self-worth, codependency, and people-pleasing behaviors. Rebuilding confidence and establishing healthy relationships may take time—but it is possible.

Peacocks may be beautiful to look at, but as a parenting style, the metaphor takes a darker turn. The need to constantly perform, shine, and be admired can cast a long shadow over the emotional development of a child. Recognizing the signs is not about blame—but about reclaiming clarity, healing, and the right to healthier boundaries.